Sunday I had “a day”. One of those days where nothing seems to go right, the odds are stacked against you and all you want to do is admit defeat. I don’t get the luxury of letting go and giving up because I have too many people relying on my. Mainly my husband and baby. It took some tears, frustration and lots of cuddles to realize I just need to slow down.
Now that I’m back on my daily groove I’m becoming too consumed. Sure I gave up my phone in the evenings and I’m really connecting with my home life. But other bits are rolling over and finding their way in and at some point it just has to give. I’m the #1 perfectionist for things I want to accomplish. Type A personality through and through and I work hard to make sure everything gets done right. I haven’t always been this way and quite possibly for a number of years through my mid to late twenties I frankly didn’t give a shit. Things would get done, I would find a way and life would go on. Of course my life was slightly a mess during those moments and thank goodness I’ve passed that phase in my life. That’s what our twenties are for.
Back then I could run my life going a mile a minute and never stop for a break. I didn’t have people relying on me and my time and my focus was only on myself. Selfish as that was it was how I chose to live my life. Now that I’m married and a mom life is so much different. Responsibilities stack up, my day is planned out almost to every hour of the day and there’s no time for me. I’ve had times of being selfish and doing what Jamie wants and I’m over that. I could almost careless about what I wear and how I look but let’s face it I’m still slightly vain and don’t want to be known as Ava’s scrubby mom. But my energy is focused towards my little family and everything else is just in the distance even if it means going a day with getting dressed up or focusing on what everyone else is doing. Giving up my phone in the evenings has felt freeing. I no longer feel the need to check social media to know what’s going on in the world around me. There is such a thing as the nightly news and conversation around the dinner table which I actually enjoy. The internet doesn’t need to give me my talking points and updates anymore. It’s been great.
But life doesn’t always see it that way and little bits creep into my perfect home life bubble whether I want it to or not. I strive for perfection in the work that I do. Whether it be my career or running this blog. I want things to be perfect. This past week I have tweaked, tones and updated little bits around the blog. One thing would get fixed and then something else would break. Would you realize it? No probably not. But I do and I did and hence my meltdown. In other facets of my life I am controlling the situations and delegating tasks. This blog is run by me, created by me, updated by me and managed by me. So if something doesn’t get done or isn’t done properly there is no one to blame by myself. The perfectionist in me comes out and I am nose deep in the computer making changes and fixing what needs to be done. All of this done with a baby on my lap singing Mickey Mouse Clubhouse tunes.
It’s not ideal and not the best balance. It cuts into the time when I need to be a mom. The bad days I have a work flow over to coming home and seeing my husband. How do you unplug your life when you get home? It’s easy to put down a phone but all the energy and thoughts circling your brain aren’t so easy to shut off. I think the key for me is going to be slowing down. Like the old saying goes “stop and smell the roses”. I need to take more time and enjoy the beauty in life. I don’t want to miss a single moment of what’s going on around me and work can wait. Work will be there for me when I return in the morning. Blog work will be there for me on the time I have set aside.
Imagine living in the moment and not needing to stop and tweet, instagram, Facebook or text about what’s going on. Imagine a moment when you turn off work mode and come home to live in the moment with the people that make you absolutely happy. Enjoy the moment for what it’s for. Everything else will be there for you when you return. Promise.